Why Not Have a Popeyes Chicken at The Banks?

Polly Campbell at The Cincinnati Enquirer is asking the question “Where to eat in The Banks?” Yes, that Banks project is finally underway and now we must decide what restaurants we want there.

Let’s be realistic. High-end restaurants don’t work in Cincinnati. High-end here, more or less, means chili, so a Skyline located there is a must.

McDonald’s would do well. We’re a McDonald’s kind of town or we should be—and how about another Arby’s?

A Waffle House would kill down at the Banks and what would be even better would be a Popeyes Chicken. I mean, why not? Let’s think big.

(Photo from poi-factory.com)

Now You Know Why No One on the Supreme Court is Returning Your Text Messages

So you’ve been text messaging your favorite Supreme Court judge and he or she is not responding and you’ve been all frustrated about it and perhaps even a bit annoyed.

Take heart. Apparently no one on the Supreme Court knows what a text message is or even what an e-mail is. Crooks and Liars gives us the shocking news.

I can’t help but wonder if they know what a copying machine is or if they still use carbon paper.

(Photo from Crooks and Liars)

Noah’s Ark Found Again

Here’s breaking news. No, not really.

Atop a mountain in Turkey, Noah’s Ark has been found. Click here to read all about it.

Of course, this isn’t the first time Noah’s Ark has been found. It happens every few years—so I’m going to leave it up to you guys.

Is it. . . what?

• Praise Jesus! Yes, this is the real deal.
• I think I was on this boat last summer while visiting friends in Turkey.
• Isn’t this from the old ABC teevee show “The Love Boat?”
• It’s all bullshit.

(Photo from resfine.co.nz)

Soon, All My Money Problems will be Over

Being a freelance writer isn’t easy. If you think I’m “living the dream,” you’re crazy. I think I’m going to have enough money to cover my expenses in May—but just barely.

But soon, my money problems will be over. You see, I got this e-mail yesterday. Here I go sharing again.

Good Day,

I hope my email meets you well. My name is Dr. Gaius Obaseki, Former Group Managing Director Nigeria National Petroleum Co-operation. I have about $21 Million US dollars which is presently in a bank United State and United Kingdom. I have made necessary arrangement on how to move this fund from the banks.

I will want to present you as the rightfully owner of the fund and as unpaid contractor, all legal documents will be on your name. Presently, the new Government in Nigeria has seized most of my property and freezes all my accounts in the country, but nobody is aware of this fund except my wife.

The most important thing is that can we trust you? Once the funds get to your custody, you take 4% and 55% for me and my family until we arrive in your country, 5% will be for the privileges provided that you will work according to my instruction. Your own part of this deal is to find a safe place where this fund can be sent.

If you are interested I will furnish you with more details. But the whole process is simple and we must keep a low profile at all times.

Your urgent response is needed.

Thanks and be blessed.

Dr. Gaius Obaseki.

Former Group Managing Director (NNPC

Why the good doctor picked me out of all the people in the world to help him out, I don’t know, but I’m not going to question my good luck.

And yes, Dr. Gaius, You can certainly trust me with your money. Just like you, I have no intention of ripping anybody off.

(Image found on Google)

Take a Good Look at This Guy

Did you look at the guy in the Photo? He’s Michael Hesson. Hesson lives in Norwood. Well, not currently. Currently he’s in jail.

Hesson and three other suspects went to a homeless camp under Mitchell Avenue some weeks ago knocking over tents and beating John Johnson—a homeless man—with baseball bats and a metal pipe.  Click here to get the complete story.

Homeless people in Cincinnati—hell, everywhere—have a hard enough time living day to day without having to put up with people like Hesson and his buddies. Let’s hope they catch up with those other three idiots and they get locked up too.

Even in jail, Hesson will have a bed to sleep in and will have food to eat. There’s something not right about this—like he’s being rewarded with a bed and food for beating a homeless man—but maybe that’s just me.

Update: The other three suspects are now known and they appear to be U.S. Miltary soldiers. Click here for the new information.

(Photo from the Cincinnati Enquirer)

Those Mortgage Traders Love Their White Castles

I guess big business brings on a big appetite.

The Goldman Sachs Group is being sued by the U.S. Government for fraud. Apparently this securities firm bet on just about everything—even how many White Castles could be eaten.

It’s a pretty unbelievable story but I’m assuming it’s true. I mean, I don’t think The Wall Street Journal would make this up.

As for me, I know exactly how many White Castles I could eat. For example, when I walk by the White Castle over in Newport, all I have to do is look at the sign and I immediately get the runs. I can’t handle those little belly bombers.

And I can’t handle business people either. Do you think these mortgage traders were looking out for you when they probably also ordered some onion chips to go along with those burgers? Hardly.

(Photo from instructables.com)

Archie Will Now Have a Gay Friend

Archie Comics has announced that Archie, starting this September, will now have a gay friend. Click here to read all about it.

Frankly, I don’t buy this. I think Archie already has some gay friends.

Are you going to tell me that Jughead is straight? Do you think he has any interest in making out with Veronica or Betty? No.

And I’m pretty sure that Reggie is gay too. I think he pretends to have a crush on Veronica but I think he’s really fallen for Archie.

Just my opinion.

(Image from joeydevilla.com)

Father and Son

I got a birthday coming up this Saturday. I’m not going to say how old I’m going to be. Let’s just say I’m starting to get up there.

My son has to work this coming Saturday, but this past Saturday he was off, so we decided to get together.

He wanted to take me out to lunch—my choice of restaurant. Believe it or not, I wanted to go to the Frisch’s on Glenway Avenue. For the kind of food that it is, it’s not a bad place.

My son got the fish sandwich on a rye bun along with fries. I got the pork tenderloin sandwich and I wanted it on a wheat bun but had to settle for wheat bread. I decided to live it up. I also got fries.

Over lunch, we talked about his work, his new car, his house—everything going on in his young life. It’s always fun to catch up.

After lunch, he wanted to take me to Bernens Pharmacy also on Glenway. He knows I need a little help in getting around these days and Bernens has a large selection of walking canes and/or walking sticks.

I tried a few out—settled on a cheery walking cane that felt comfortable to me. I’m going to kiss that crutch I’ve been using goodbye.

When he dropped me off at my place, he gave me a hug and wished me a happy birthday. As he drove away, I stood outside waving holding on to my new walking cane.

It was a good few hours. Father and son: I have always liked the sound of those words.

(Photo taken by my daughter)

That Was the Week That Was—In Blogs

→   I really haven’t followed The Cincinnati Reds in years but I do check in at The Cincinnati Nation on occasion to see how they’re doing. Last week, I was sitting in a bar in Newport when another customer started complaining about their current losing record. In a rare attempt to be positive, I stated that the season is still early after which this other customer gave me a list of reasons why the season is already over. Lesson learned? I’ll just stay my usual negative self.

→   What do you think of Donny Deutsch getting yanked from MSNBC last week for having an opinion on Keith Olbermann? Taylor Marsh has an opinion too.

→   Did you miss journalist Lindsay Beyerstein trying on a lot of dresses last week in Brooklyn? Fear not. Let The Big Think get you up-to-date.

→   Our friend C.A. MacConnell recently moved to new digs in the Clifton area and now she’s looking for a roommate. After reading her classified ad on her blog last week, I felt better about myself. I mean—and I thought I was high maintenance?

→   Hold on to your seat. The Huffington Post informed us last week about Jon Gosselin’s new career plans. Now, hold on to your wallet. More than likely he’ll be knocking on your door trying to sell you Amway products.

→   And just when I thought true investigative journalism was dead in this country, my spirit was renewed last week. Let’s go to Gawker to find out if Kate Hudson now has fake breasts.

(Photo from WordPress)

Most Boring Video EVER Made: A Man and His Wallets

I don’t recall how I came across finding this video on YouTube. I must have been drinking. A lot.

Here’s a guy who makes wallets—actually kind of ugly wallets—but he’s into it and he’s showing them off.

Get ready to be amazed bored.

Yes, over eight minutes of looking at wallets. Seems more like eight hours.

Back to drinking. A lot.

(Photo from. . . hell, does it really matter?)