I’ve had this photo album for years. In it, I have pictures of high school and college friends. I was looking through it the other day and came across a picture of Jerry and Pam.
Jerry was my twin brother and Pam was a college friend of his. Pam and I were friends too but Jerry was closer to her than I was. Looking at the picture, I remembered where it was taken—at a college picnic, almost 40 years ago. Jerry and Pam are laughing in the photo.
When I got married in the late 70’s, Jerry and Pam came to the wedding together. I remember my wife and I double dating with them one New Year’s Eve. Jerry and Pam were never a couple, just very good friends. Why they were never more than that became clear in the early 80’s.
My twin brother was a gay man and he finally came out of the closet. When he told Pam that he was gay, suddenly their friendship ended. This was something Jerry and I talked very little about but I know it hurt him with Pam no longer wanting to be his friend.
The years went by and I seldom thought of Pam. Jerry moved to California and then Seattle. I went through a divorce. Jerry had new friends, he had lovers. One of those lovers came him AIDS.
He died in September of 1994 at Swedish Hospital in Seattle. I was at the Cincinnati Airport getting ready to get on a plane to be with him. I didn’t make it.
A few months after his death, while drinking alone in my apartment, I got to thinking about Pam. I went through the phone book trying to find her phone number. What I was going to say to her I’m not sure but I remember feeling angry about how she had dumped him. She probably would have gotten a piece of my mind.
Now there she was with my brother in the photo album, both looking so happy to be together. It was a long time ago.
I don’t understand why people sometimes do mean things to other people. I know its all water under the bridge now but that photo brought back memories that were good and special. It’s a shame as to what happened just a few years later to make that photo now a little bit sad.
(Image from photobucket.com)
Over the years, I have gone through old photo albums and removed pictures of those who ended up hurting or betraying me. I do not need those kind of painful memories. Maybe you should do the same.
Your story is touching on so many levels: your brother (and you) lost a friend and you lost your brother and your unique sibling relationship as his twin. I cannot imagine the grief you experienced.
I can’t pretend to understand the pain you must still feel from losing a twin brother but you have a great coping skill in your writing. Thank you for sharing that with us.
Pam would have been happier if your brother continued to live a lie. That’s sad. Feel sorry for her.
I wish there wern’t people out there like Pam but there are. Small minded people, you know?
Larry,
Homophobia was alive 30 years ago, it’s alive now and probably will always be alive. This person was never your friend or your brothers. I am sorry for your loss. Pam is a small person and more than liekly still is.
I’m also a twin and I lost her to cancer about five years ago. I know that I don’t have to tell you it is something you never get over but something that the twin that is left has to cope with. I know I will see my sister again in the next life and that keeps me going. Try to hold on to your fatih in God.
Good memories will always keep your twin brother alive. You know that. Let go of this person from so long ago. Thje reality is she let both of you go decades ago. Her lost.
I appreciate your twin brother. It must have been difficult coming out back then. I realize life is a bit easier for gay people now which I am one.
I’ve read you often over the years and You have never forgotten your love for your twin. You keep his memory alive through your work, through your writing.
I hope you know you have good friends in the gay community.