I like living in Covington, Kentucky. Really I do—but I run into a lot of characters here. Probably some of them think I’m a character too, but that’s a post for a different day.
For example, take Kris. Please! This guy is driving me nuts.
I said here yesterday I wasn’t feeling all that well, so I got up early thinking some exercise might do me some good. I decided to go for an early walk and I’m talking seven o’clock in the morning. I was fairly sure I wouldn’t be running into Kris that early. Wrong.
I could hardly believe it when I heard him calling my name just as I was turning onto Madison Avenue.
“Hey, Larry!” he yelled. I thought about pretending like I didn’t hear him but knew that would accomplish nothing.
Kris is a young guy—I’m guessing early 20’s. He’s thin, has short blonde hair and while he’s nice enough I guess, his ladder doesn’t go all the way up. Sorry if that sounds mean but it’s the truth.
“Wait up!” he said as he ran toward me. I waited, not feeling too happy about it.
“Where you going?”
“No where,” I said. “Just out for a walk.”
“You got a cigarette on you?”
“No,” I lied. “I’m out.” I’ve already given Kris too many cigarettes.
“Come on,” Kris said. “Give me a cigarette.”
“I said I don’t have any with me!”
“I like your cane,” he said. Try to imagine how many times I’ve heard this over the past two weeks.
“I know you like it,” I said.
“Can I buy it off you?” Again, try to imagine how many times I’ve heard this.
“Kris, it’s not for sale.”
“How much you pay for it?”
“I don’t remember—maybe 12 bucks.”
“I’ll pay you that.”
See the cane in the photo here? This is basically what mine looks like. It’s nothing fancy—I don’t need fancy—and you can buy them just about anywhere.
“The Walgreens up there has canes,” I told Kris. “Go buy one there.”
“Let’s go up there!” he said all excited.
“It’s early in the morning!” I replied. They’re not open. Go later.”
“Why can’t I buy yours?”
I guess I could have explained to Kris that I have nerve damage in my feet and legs and if I don’t have the cane with me, I tend to fall down a lot, but I decided not to go into it as I already have at least three times over the past several days.
“It’s not for sale,” I said again.
“You have an extra cigarette?” I looked at Kris in disbelief.
It was either kill Kris right there on the spot or keep walking. I continued my walk with Kris standing there. I turned around a few seconds later and Kris was heading back home.
I think if I ever do get some money ahead, I’ll buy Kris a cane, but before I give it to him, I’ll hit him over the head with it a few times. Afterwards, maybe I’ll give him a cigarette.
(Photo from WordPress)
Kris sounds like a whack job. I would’t be going for walks with him.
Please tell me where you live in Covington so I’ll make sure I never move there.
I remember that City Beat column you wrote about sitting on a bus bench on Madison around the Walgreens. It was funny and I am gussing you live in downtown Covington. As a writer, be thanful. You will always run into funny characters in that area of down!
Just keep saying “no” to these freeloaders you seem to attract. You don’t need these “friends” who value you only for what material items they can get from you for little or nothing. Eliminating them from your life will leave you with only real, true friends.
I agree with Tuck that you seem to attract freeloaders but having read you for years here and in CityBeat, you simply ATTRACT and that’s because you will talk and associate with anyone. All anybody has to do is read some of your bus essays which are some of the best stories out there. Your hassle is more times than not our gain!
If you continue to live in downtown Covington, suggestion. . . buy a gun.
Aw, nothin’ will ever change Larry. He’ll talk to anybody to get a funny line or story
I like who you attract Larry.. you always manage to be kind, even if you don’t really want to. Says a lot about your heart. Some say you’re crazy for doing so.. I say great Karma is being created for either here or later.
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