It’s a rather small teddy bear with cream colored fur. It’s wearing a vest—the left side is red, the right side is green. Matching colored bells are on the vest. Yes, it’s a Christmas teddy bear.
This was an odd gift from my young friend. I’m a guy in my late 50’s and have never slept with a teddy bear in my life. Is this what she wanted me to do with it? I don’t know. Still for a long time, I kept it out in my living space all year long, most of the time with it sitting in a chair, because she had given it to me. We had worked together. We were close friends.
Over four years ago, I had some kind of a breakdown. It’s hard to describe really. It had to do with depression. I needed people around me. I needed friends to help me. I needed her.
At that point, she didn’t need me. Why she went away, I don’t know. She stopped returning phone calls, stopped returning emails. We never talked about what I was going through. I was hurt. I was angry. I felt deserted and let down.
It hurt to look at that teddy bear. I put it in that box. I even thought of throwing it away.
Years pass by quickly. Through another friend, I found out her mother has recently died. Then I found out she has now lost her job. Buried memories, good memories, came back inside my head. I felt bad for the loss of her mother and for the loss of her job.
That’s why I took the teddy bear out of the box. It’s now in my living space near my writing desk. The Christmas teddy bear is back in my life. I think I’ll keep it that way.
Maybe I’ve been unfair to my friend. She’s in her 20’s and I’m much older. Maybe she simply didn’t know how to handle what I was going through. Hell, sometimes I didn’t even know.
Also keep in mind this is my version of the story. You know what they say—the truth is always in the middle.
Will I call her, email her, try to reconnect? I don’t know at this point. I kind of think one can never go back but maybe with some effort, one can.
We’ll see what happens next. I figure getting that teddy bear out of the box and making it part of my living space again is a good first step in remembering the good times with her and trying to forget the bad.
(Photo found on Google)